Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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