I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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