My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
