...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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