Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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