Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
