Buhtt sex?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
