he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
