so that wasnt chicken after all
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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