I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
