ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
