soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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