Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
