I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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