Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
