oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
this is an emotional support booty call
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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