I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
