So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
