Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
