Buhtt sex?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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