Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
