just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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