she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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