Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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