I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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