ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
