I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
