He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
