I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have fence marks all over my body
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
