Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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