i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The Olympian is in my bed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
