i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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