1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She announced her abortion via fbk
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
