sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
