I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
did i just pee glitter
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
