I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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