They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
