i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize