Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
