I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize