What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
