Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
