did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
