how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
