Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
