were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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