to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
