I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
