If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
