I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
