I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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