mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need to calm my uterus...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
