currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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