Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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