my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
