??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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