4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize