I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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