Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm sobbing to NWA
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
