its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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