I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had to cum in my sink.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
