I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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