I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
