Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have feelings that need drinking.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
