i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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