do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
