He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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