So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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