so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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