i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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