Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
