god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
